For some reason, whenever we are going through something, we are always urged by everyone to talk about it.
Why is that?
Is there some sort of a link between our mouths and our feelings whereby as soon as we express them verbally, they get released from us? Because if so, I think I need to get rewired.
Anyone who knows me personally knows I don’t like to talk about my feelings. It’s bad enough I don’t even know how to express them or deal with them appropriately … now you want me to talk about it? No thank you.
I mean even on this blog where I am supposed to write about my personal feelings (you know, From my heart to yours?) I never actually ever say exactly what is going on in my life. And that is how I deal with things in real life too. Like the true writer I am, I speak and deliver messages in metaphors, similes and analogies – anything to avoid actually opening up.
But for those very few times when someone has gotten me to chat, I discovered that talking about my feelings does not cheer me up. In fact, I wholeheartedly believe that all it does is the exact opposite. It opens up wounds that were otherwise stitched up. Maybe the stitches needed to be tightened or a new bandage added, but the fact of the matter is, I always have been and always will be an introvert. Journalist or not. I am naturally a quiet, analytical and pensive observer.
And I get by just fine on good days when everything is swept under the rug.
This is the reason why I have never ever been interested in taking part in recreational “drug” use, if you get my drift. I just feel like my brain would kick into an analytical overdrive that is not safe for human capacity and quite frankly, I’d just die.
I think more than enough when I am sober.
With that being said, it is very rare that I share my personal thoughts with anyone – almost never willingly. So while I do appreciate everyone’s concern, I would also appreciate if my “thanks, but no thanks” got adhered to after the first time (as opposed to the second or third or fourth … after which I’m sure to be extremely irritated and probably am going to ignore you).
Most of the times, I am probably not that sad anyway. I’ve just never learned how to properly let go of anything and I still really believe that I can singlehandedly save the world and make every one happy all the time.
Everyone, that is, except myself.
P.S. It’s no coincidence that I am writing this blog today, Jan. 29, on the anniversary, for lack of a more appropriate word, of my cousin’s death. It’s also no coincidence that I am in a somber mood. My January’s have never been the same.. (yes, that is a link for those who don’t know the story.)
Rest in paradise Zanz. We remember you today and always. <3>