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Shit Ranting with an Angry Heart

Is the road to deception really paved with good intentions?

I think not.

I have always wondered to myself about people who live a lie, especially those who go to church every Sunday and spend their lives teaching their children how to live a Christian life. How am I supposed to take you seriously when you have three different families with children all the same age and a wife? Or when you spend half your time here and half your time elsewhere living the life of a bachelor when you clearly have a family to support?

Some people are so twisted.

I cannot even live with myself after I lie about going to watch Despicable Me when I really plan on watching Grown Ups. How can someone look at him or herself in the mirror meanwhile leading two lives? How can you look at your wife’s child in the morning and your other woman in the evening?

I figure after a while, people grow up and out of their “I’m young free and uncommitted” phase and learn to settle their ass down and be the best person they can be. I’ve been mistaken. All my life I’ve given people the benefit of the doubt. I am friends with everyone and anyone and I am quicker to forgive than to forget someone. I’ve always been the person who convinces people to just let it go; after all I’ve been disappointed a million times, by a billion different people and I’m still alive.

But this one hurts.

It’s one thing to forgive someone’s lie when you see that person but once every holiday, and it’s one thing when someone only lies to you about something or someone. But what happens when they are the lie. What happens when you find out that the sweet little girl next door, who you thought was your friend, is not so sweet, spends too much time with the boys next door — or should I say, all the boys in the neighbourhood — and is not truly your friend at all. Granted it is not my place to judge anyone by their choices, if it’s the neighbourhood that makes you happy then by all means circle it, twice if it’s better the second time around. But don’t drag me into your little lie. If you’re a bitch you better be a bitch when I meet you and every day thereafter. You’re not allowed to change your entire being halfway through our friendship.

Yeah, I said it. And believe me, I mean it.

What’s more, I hate finding out about something through the grape vine. If you have something to say then tell me. All five feet two inches of me can handle it. (Sounds intimidating doesn’t it?) I promise that though I may have the urge to slap you across the face, chances are I probably won’t. But the important part is that I will forever appreciate your honesty.

I have a lot of anger and resentment in my heart. So much that I am almost certain it is unsafe. I found out too many things in one day, and my opinion on some important people and largely life itself took a turn for the worst. In the end, I find, a male-female relationship is no different from a friend-friend relationship — not that I ever thought it was.

No matter how careful you are at picking your friends or significant other, you never really know their long-term intentions; but one thing you can always be sure of is that people always have ulterior motives.

The good part? Sometimes those motives are good. Sometimes, they can benefit you too. You just have to choose wisely.

Very wisely.

2 Comments

  • Anonymous 02/08/2010

    Wow. This hit the spot. It is good to know that there is someone else out there who feels the way I do about some friendships. I have never been able to verbalize it as well as you do though. Thanks for posting this. It was something I really needed to hear.

  • Meisha 19/08/2010

    And I thank you for reading it. 🙂

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