I Can, Therefore, I Think

Considering how many times a day being on Twitter sets me off, it really is a shame that I don’t blog more often.

I usually express my outrage for popular opinion and societal “norms” and behaviours in the form of Twitter rants, (or personalised text messages to those who instigated it) which more times than not falls upon deaf ears — as does most logic in this generation. But I think I am going to go ahead and make the shift from ranting on social media to ranting on my own designated rant page.

This one.

Of course, I should clarify for any of my new readers that my version of a “rant” is not a barrage of unintelligent banter that is backed up by nothing but “he said” and “she said”, if anything it all. Nor is it an overly emotional speech that would be appropriate for a wedding (or a funeral). Granted, a rant is a rant is a rant. But I do try my best to keep it not only entertaining but also useful and thought-provoking.

So here goes.

There are three things I’ve seen on Twitter just in the three days since I’ve been back in this country that have irritated me. (When I am in Jamaica I have absolutely no interest in the things that people here kill themselves over on a daily basis. Social media is one of them.)

1. Overconfidence: The defense mechanism.

Now more than ever it has become increasingly obvious to me that empty barrels make the most noise. Even though I am certain I am one in very very few who feels this way, whenever I see self-praise on Twitter that is overbearing I see it as a cry for help. (And no I did not study psychology in school. You know that.) I just feel that if something is really as good as you say it is … you don’t have to say it is.  So if you’re the first person trying to be noticed by the fact that you said you’re the best *insert something here* ever, all that says to me is that someone out there thinks you aren’t really that good at all and now you’re trying to overcompensate for the fact that a part of you, be it major or not, actually believes them.

I mean people on my timeline toot their own horns all day.. every day.. about everything under the sun. And while I know personalities vary, and this doesn’t apply to everyone because some people are just comical (or like to chat shit), I still believe that they have underlying meanings. Are you trying to sell yourself on Twitter to people who don’t really know you in real life? Or are you just an attention whore?

If the latter is the answer, then, I guess social media is the right place for you. Maybe I am the one who doesn’t  belong — the fish out of water. (No pun intended.)

But I like to express myself too, most times. I just feel there is a limit, which brings me to my next point.

2. Shallow and non-ladylike women.

This can kind of go hand-in-hand with my last point, but I felt it necessary to make it a separate item.

I know we are all adults and we are not nearly as prude as a whole as we once were. That being said, I still believe that some most things should be left to the imagination. Even though I am quite aware that I am not a man and have no legitimate interest in women, I just can’t express enough how increasingly turned off I am by most of the women in my generation and their lack of tact.

I have a sense of humour, yes. But at what point does you joking about how good your private part is become funny? Because I am still waiting to laugh. And why is that necessary to put on twitter? Likewise, why do we need to know that you are sexually deprived, frustrated or abstaining?

Would you put that as a sign on your forehead? Because to me, that’s what Twitter is; a sign on your forehead.

And what decent young man would want to date a girl who spends her time on Twitter talking about her sex life, or lack thereof?

Furthermore, most of you have extremely shallow and unrealistic perceptions of what a man and/or relationship is. And you wonder why you can’t keep one.

Have some discretion. Please.

3. Pop culture.

Lastly, Twitter is the land of pop culture, obviously. And that’s cool. This one isn’t as much irritating as it is amusing. It amuses me to see people take a popular topic, like Kim and Kanye’s pregnancy, and run laps with it as if it affects their lives directly. This happens on Instagram too where people post back-and-forth comments on celebrity photos defending the person as if they have ever met in real life.

It’s comical, really.

It is also comical how easily manipulated they are by those same celebrities. Rihanna posts a picture of something that 5 billion other people have already posted before, and all of a sudden it’s like the holy gospel. You all are like sheep being herded by a shepherd to drink dirty water and you don’t even know it. That’s pretty pathetic if you think about it.

But that’s the catch right there … you have to think.

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