The Trouble With Hope

Above everything else, I believe hope is what keeps us as humans going.

Hope, that tells us to stick to our day jobs because one day it will pay off or something better will come along as a result of our work ethic. Hope, that makes us save money so one day we can buy our dream house. Hope, that tells us to keep looking for love because it is, in fact, out there waiting for us.

Hope, that tells us to stay in incorrigible relationships because one day, he/she will change.

As encouraging as hope is, it can very well be troublesome if not used within reason.

One variation I don’t, and perhaps never will, understand is how hope makes people stay in relationships that they know aren’t cohesive. I know people can change, but I am inclined to believe certain fundamental things never do or will. That’s a battle between hope and reality that hope seems to win more often than not. (When I say stay, by the way, I mean people who get married and have children. Spend 30 years of your life unhappy, for what? To end up apart anyway?)

I know it feels like “love” is enough to give you everlasting hope; but hope at the risk of ignoring everything that tells you otherwise? At the risk of your own happiness and the happiness of each other and everyone around you? Hope for a better circumstance, sure. Circumstances can be changed. But hope that some miracle will make two incongruous people get along? Hope that you can grow to love someone you know isn’t your match? I just don’t know.

Hope in “love” is nice and all, but I just wish more people would listen to their inner voice. The inner voice that tells you: “leave”, “this doesn’t feel right”, “there’s someone better out there”, “this will never change”, “he/she deserves better”, “I deserve better”.

If it’s not you; it’s them. If it’s not them; it’s you. And either way, it’s OK. Just because someone wasn’t right for you or couldn’t change for you or vice versa doesn’t mean either of you is a bad person. It doesn’t make either of you a failure. But better to recognise it early, when your intuition tells you, and take action than to lolly gag in hopes for a miracle, just because of love. No one knows what’s best for you better than that little voice in your head.

It’s there for a reason.

And yes, I know we cannot help who we fall in love with, but where does it say that if you love, you must attach? You must be? Love has never and will never be enough to make a bad relationship work. Love alone cannot put two puzzle pieces that don’t fit, together.

Why does it have to, anyway? Love is not a glue. Love doesn’t find a person and stick to them entirely and them only for the rest of forever. It isn’t limited to one per person. It’s ok to fail at love and move on to try again. You don’t have to stick around because of its existence. You aren’t born with a set amount of love that you are capable of having or giving away. Love is limitless and infinite. There’s no fear of running out of love. It doesn’t decrease by sharing. And we’ve got enough inside to give to every single person on the Earth. So why do we feel we have to attach ourselves to it, even when it’s painful? Even when we’ve given our all and it still isn’t enough? Even when we’ve tried everything and it still won’t work?

What is there to be gained from sticking to constant hurt or frustration or stress just because there’s love involved? What’s wrong with loving someone without possessing them?


Eventually, the show will end, the curtain will close and you will gather all your stage props and go home to an empty bedroom.

If it isn’t meant for you, life will never stop trying to take you away from it. (The universe does this in ways you won’t notice if you are unwilling to pay attention.) And one day, it WILL succeed. Why wait until that day? Because hope told you to?

We can’t just stand by and let hope grab hold of our lives with both hands on the steering wheel. She’d drive us right into a stone wall over and over again because maybe one day the wall will finally fall and we will go gliding through to see the greenest grass on the other side.

Hope has to come along for the ride of life, of course, but she belongs in the passenger seat, sun shining in her face and the wind blowing in her hair as she looks out the window and dreams her wonderful dreams. She can speak her mind every now and then, and keep you up and alert if you get weary, but should always remain nothing more than a beautiful reminder that life, indeed, always goes on.

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