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From My Heavy Heart

After I wrote my blog yesterday depicting my less than wonderful day, I got some news I was completely unprepared for – though I had been waiting since April to hear it.

I woke up this morning hoping it was all just a bad dream only to realise that it is very much real.

It was literally about an hour after I laid down my complaints on this thing that I heard the news – through facebook chat at that. I was alone in my room at the time and to say I had no idea what to do with myself would be a total understatement.

I was in the middle of trying to get some work done, and I had planned to study for the test I have today; needless to say, it never happened.

The next thing I knew I was on Alafaya with my purse, my iPod, and my phone. Who to call and what to say? I had no idea. Every time something goes wrong I always feel as if I am the only one going through it, but that is only because I am away from my family and it hits our home, not anyone else’s. So I just decided to walk until I ended up where God wanted me to be.

I walked for about an hour until I found this small hill just off the road. I knew before I fully approached it that that was where I was to end up. The sun was setting on the lake behind it and there wasn’t too much traffic. I figured if it ended up that I’d sleep there overnight then by all means, I was ready to do so.

In the midst of my slight irrationality, I managed to worry a few people. I never meant to be “selfish,” but please excuse my uncontrollable reaction. No doubt you were only concerned, but I needed some time away from myself, my phone, my computer, my room – everything.

Four hours later, I ended up on the stairs of my apartment building, and my phone ended up on the road 3 stories below me – after I angrily deleted all of my BB contacts. I had hoped a car would drive over it, but I went downstairs a few minutes later to find that not only was it still in one piece, but it still worked.

I write to you today from my battered and bruised blackberry, with an even more battered and bruised heart.

I tried my best to sleep the pain away last night, but it is still very much present.

1 Comment

  • Melissa 26/09/2009

    I’m new to your blog and I don’t know you. But I’m so sorry for your pain. I hope you are ok. I hope that if you’re not, that there are people who can wrap you up in some love and help you until you are.

    I’ll be thinking of you today.

    xxxx from Austalia.

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